I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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