The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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