I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
