why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
