TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
