I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
