I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
