i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
