so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
