This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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