he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
