a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
