i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
