glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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