sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
