I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
