Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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