she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
well, you know. whores of a feather.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
