You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
