how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
