I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
