You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Don't tell me you're on acid again
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
