It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
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