I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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