Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
