so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I love you. Go after that dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
