tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
