Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
