and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
