I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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