i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
