He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
