when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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