Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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