her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
