Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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