if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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