Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
