Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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