That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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