So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
