You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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