if i can run in heels then i can drive
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
please don't ironically join a cult
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