nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I am spending my child support on dildos
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
