Someone shit on the floor
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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