Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
