my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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