I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
