home. puking in laundry basket.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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