Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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