He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
