Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
